Monday, November 21, 2016

Blood is thicker than water.

You know, somewhere out there, someone legitimately has blood that came from me. I wonder if I've managed to save any lives yet?

Thursday, November 17, 2016

I might be forgiving, but I'm not stupid.

My dignity took a backseat to my fear.

Maybe my loneliness is just a factor of a lacking in my relationship with God. Because I love you all, I really do, but I shouldn't miss you as much and feel as alone as I do. I just want to be better, to better myself in so many ways. But maybe what I really need to do is just let Him better me.

You're not that important. You're incredibly special to me, but it shouldn't matter this much.

Don't think of yourself too highly.

Everyone's special.

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

I just want to be a better person.

I need some shorter-term goals.

Some things stick.

And recently, it's been an intense, persistent wondering about why I'm here, and whether I should be. Not in an impostor syndrome-y way (there's that too), but just... wondering.

Friday, November 11, 2016

America (Rambling Thoughts)

I am so, so exhausted. I'm so tired and deeply sad. America is so filled with sorrow and hatred, and my heart aches at the pain in the world right now. California and Princeton and Massachusetts have all "shielded" me from the intolerance that only seems to spread as the days go on.

I want to believe bigotry and racism and sexism and xenophobia are not the norm. I believe they aren't. Yet it's so hard to see so many instances of them, so, so many more in such a short span than I ever thought would happen. We have managed to go from our first African-American president to one who has regularly expressed hateful, inflammatory, dangerous views of those different from himself.

And speaking of differences, we all live in massive echo chambers. I live in a massive, blue with streaks of well-educated, upper-middle-class red echo chamber. Why is listening so hard? I want more than anything to understand. I want to talk to those who have different views, to smash down these walls, but I'm also so tired. I've never wanted to be involved in politics, and I realize now how naive it was of me to think I could be involved socially and not politically.

How do we move forward?

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The world is hurting.

It's time to be there for one another. Regardless of it all, we're all in this together. The divide is strong, deep, and personal, but this country is ours. It may not be the one we want, and it may not have perfect citizens, but America is my country. It is (likely) your country, and it is our country.

There is work to be done. To listen, to understand, and to move forward.

Time to prepare for a rough four years...

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Sometimes I feel like I missed out on a different life.

Is this regret? It seems almost impossible to regret the vast expanse of the unknown. Do I wish I had made different choices? The funny thing is, I would say yes, but... Maybe I'm just so used to going with what I have. I'm comfortable, and nothing has been, has ever been, scarier.

I hope you find what you're looking for.